September 3, 2009
A Mother’s Communication
Communication is the key, that what a lot of people say. I try everyday to have good talk with my son but it never happens, even when he was living with here with me.
The best communication we have is by email, in this time of technology that is so sophisticated communication between people seems to get even worse.
He now is in UNC- Chapel Hill-NC, working on his master degree. ” NO CALLS”
I still call him to see how he doing, but of course most the time he never answers the phone. He answers email or texts, but only with one phase.
I never know what going in on with him, how he is doing, or how he is feeling, etc.
Mother’s please help me, any suggestion to have good communication with someone who is Bipolar? or how to approach without him thinking I want to control his life?
I’m open for advise, before I got to old or pass, I want to be able to have good communication with my son.
I love my son.
September 2, 2009
I Wish Dr. OZ Was My Friend
Always, everyday I’m questioning myself a lot, trying to find answer for…
The reason why I start this Blog is to find answers for my questions, maybe the questions don’t have answer.
Probably, a lot mothers like me, struggle to help their children whatever the problem is. I am looking for help for myself and to try and help everyone else that has a kid with bipolar
Don’t think that this is your problem or your fault, that me most of the time thinking it is my fault… in reality we can’t control peoples mind.
I decided to following my instinct, a mothers instinct till someone helps me find answers or till my son opens up his thoughts with me.
Sometimes you are in denial about the fact you have problems, it can be difficult, reality, sometimes I dream nothing bad or any complicated situation happened in my life.
I am trying not to get sick or more depress, I’m afraid to lose my friends, I’m afraid that people will avoid me because I just talk about problems, that why sometimes you need answers from an expert or people that have a different point of view.
I love my son very much.
August 30, 2009
Music for Bipolar
Today for a second a smile crossed my face, I saw a picture of my son with his group from school he looked happy and was smiling.
Makes me think everyone is bipolar, everyone has moments of up and down. Of course in some people you can tell something is a bit different.
I see people at work because the work I do, I never know who you are going to be with me and is very interesting their reaction and behavior, sometimes make me think maybe she or he is bipolar. I think myself bipolar too.
Music is good medication for anyone that is down or in depression, music make feel something different, it makes me dance, it makes me forget bad things, it makes movie to my body, music is good, good for everything…to reflect also.
If you believe the sounds can change will be a good therapy without Doctors. I believe bipolar can change with music. I’m going to start today to ask my son, Did you listening to music today? water is a music, birds is a music, if you listening to the waves of the ocean is a music…sounds make you calm down, relaxes you.
I believe when you wake up in the morning that doing what some spiritualist believe is to
“Bite some water when you drink” to put yourself in good positive vibe and ask for strength. No matter who you are if you try this every morning you will go through the day without depression.
I would like to say, I think that all bipolar people have a very high IQ’s and I guess that what causes them to be depressed is that they think or analyze to much.
HAVE YOU LISTEN TO MUSIC TODAY
August 26, 2009
Farway from home in North Carolina.
My son moved to Chapel Hill, NC about 2 weeks ago. Now my concern is that he is taking his medication like he is suppose too.
Of course, he never call’s me but at least he emails me.
He sounds happy, (from emails) and is starting to do things he likes, and he actually emailed me a nice picture of him and his classmates.
I keep with my prayers everyday that he proceed with his Masters degree and continues his treatment. It is hard for me to find out information, because we never have had good communication and when I’m asking about his medication he never answers the question yes or no.
What is the best way to have this conversation with him, without hurting is feelings.
I started to look up some doctors for him in University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, we will see if that while he is gone he will have motivation to do more session.
I love my son.
August 17, 2009
In Tears
Last night I was in tears when I had to say good bye to my son.
A couple of days ago Matt and I help my son to move to Chapel Hill, North Carolina, he going for his Master in Political Science at University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill
I’m happy for him but I am a little worried about if he gone continuing his treatment. I’m going though a very difficult time, emotional and financial, yet I did what I could and went to make sure he will be fine and comfortable in his dorm room.
At home before we left for North Carolina, I had to help get all this things organized and packing he did little by little but never really finished so I had to finish packing for him. I guessing he does not think like a what we would considered a normal person yet he is very intelligent.
After arriving in North Carolina we stop by the Social Security building for paper work then we dropped him at his dorm room, help with little things then headed back to the hotel. He was tired, and did not join us for a really nice dinner at 411, great Italian food.
The next day we took Luiz breakfast to start his day of shopping…. Walmart, Super Target etc.
I was having a lot of stress and I want to fix everything for him, buying things he needed for his place at Walmart I used my last $100.00 dollars on my visa, next step we went to Super Target for food to buy some more things. Though it wasn’t very funny I had to tell the cashier to stop at different amount to split up on my other cards, because I really don’t have money right now to be doing this kind of thing.
So in Target, I was trying to split the bill onto 3 different credit cards and one was denied, Matt helped me with paying for the last few things. I didn’t care I wanted make sure that he had everything he needed to concentrate on his studies and treatment. Later we stopped into Bed Bath and Beyond and got a great deal on some pots and pans.
Is hard for me to be with my son for long time period without creating a lot of stress on me, he lives in another world and never recognize what I do for him. I do it because I love him so much and I want him to be healthy and happy.
One of the very happy moments for me was when Matt and I took Luiz to dinner, a nice Gourmet dinner at Elaine’s restaurant on Franklin street in Chapel hill to wish him a good luck on his next road of his life, he was very happy and had lobster, but never said thanks for dinner or for the things I brought for him.
Last night I hugged him, I could not control myself and cried asking him please take his medication. I’m asking myself what should I do? to have good communication with him and for him to be healthy etc….I don’t sleep any more, because I am so worried.
I love my son.
July 27, 2009
Worries
What does my son have? I try to be calm, but every single day there is more worries.
Why can’t my son sleep? he started his medication and we hoped he would get better, but at this point I don’t really know what’s going on, I am just hoping that he tells the doctor how he is feeling. I too, can’t sleep worrying about my son… is my son going to be ok? I try to be strong in front of him, but the reality is I don’t know what to do for my son to get better.
I am just worrying, worrying… that I can’t lose my son, I love my son he is a part of me.
I believe in miracles and I believe my son going to be ok.
July 22, 2009
Today Part 2
In part 2, I will try to be short and tell my continuation life in another country.
After 2 years in Italy I moved to Germany, my residency was in Munich, beautiful city and friendly Bavarian people.
Of course I didn’t speak German at all, and it took me about 1 year to start to speak and understand German, but I made good with the language. In Germany, I struggle to survive and make money, to send what money I could back home. Finally, I was able to bring my son to Germany for to visit with me for month and I was able to go back to Brazil every year for a 3 month period to be with my son.
After 4 years I decided to move back home because my son was growing up, it was getting more hard for him to live with my relatives or my mother, he was suffering to much.
The problem back home in Brazil, I didn’t find a job and all my money I had saved I spent in Brazil, so I had to step out from my country again. Guess what ! I moved to USA.
Here I’m with my son.
July 20, 2009
Today Part 1
I’m 44 years old a single mother, struggle to make money and pay my son education, of course I suffering a lot because I had to do things i don’t want to do, like a leave my country.
I can still remember and I still have the pic in my head. I left my son with my aunt which I grew up. Was tough decision but I didn’t have enough money to pay for my son education, food, baby sister, rent etc. I was working for the government, in Brazil you don’t make much money to work for the government. So I quit.
To make long short story, first a went to Italy as a dancer, of course the first people I worked didn’t pay me and try to stolen my Passport when I told then I’m leave. I stayed in Italy for 2 years work here, worked there… dance…produce…etc.
In Italy I spend a lot money to call my family I went to talk with my son everyday, to tell him how much I love him when was the reason why I was there. risking myself in other country just because money and better future.
July 19, 2009
Peaceful Day
After weeks of reading and reading, then crying about what I was reading, today I had better day.
My son woke up today in a good mood. I asked him what you would like to do today? Go for walk or go swimming, he said ” I had to do my laundry and maybe go to see my friend in the city( San Francisco)” I was shock he hasn’t done laundry since April.
I was so happy and finally I start to laugh, and said sounds good, I really encourage him to do so, I know a lot people don’t believe in energy or Spirituality.
I do, the night before we want to a group and they talked about harmony with spiritualism , was everything I m try every day to tell him to function better and take care him self.
I just felt better today knowing my son had good energy and feel like live again.
The question is how my day with my son gone be tomorrow. Great?
Looking at myself in the mirror
Today I get up and I decided to look for positive energy, something to make me feel better. I can’t stop to read and to thinking about Bipolar disorder.
I opened my eyes today in my bed and I felt something wrong below my lip and I went to look at the mirror, I knew exact what was “Herpes” usually I got when I have a lot stress.
I m looking for answers? How I should have conversation with my son today.
